Failing and Being a Failure - they're actually both different.

Failing sucks and feels horrible. I failed my landscape and ecology test yesterday. However, I'm trying my hardest to ensure that it does not get to me. Failing sucks, and part of the horrible experience is bashing yourself. Especially if you lack confidence, you can degrade yourself and become anxious. I remember two years ago when I received my F grade in studio. Emotionally and mentally, I was in a dark place. Reminiscing about that experience in the past - I decided that I did not want that to happen this time around. I'm kind of in a conflicted mood. Trying to keep positive this time and just move on positively, and the other side, i'm really pissed off at myself and my circumstances of why I failed. However, I'm currently reading Steven Covey's "7 Habits of Highly Effective People" and one of the most hardest things to accept when failing is taking the responsibility and not blaming your circumstance and others - ultimately crucial for success. To be able to find control in all aspects of life and not be dependent to the outside circumstances beyond your control. It's just such a huge pill to swallow.

After the test, I went to lunch with my CAD instructor and we talked about our career paths and life in general and he gave me some words of advice :

- You need to fail in life to grow. Many people tend to just keep climbing up in life, however if they never experienced failing in life - they won't know or have a clue on how to easily get back up. The fall will be much steeper. That's what many successful people do - they accept failing, reflect and improve on it.

Actually, I recall something I learned from counselling when I was struggling in previous years at school. The topic was about avoidance - we as people tend to avoid whatever makes us anxious, worrisome, or stressed (this was me three years ago when I dropped my courses, unable to manage my time, busy) - however running away just makes the problem much more worse. (this is where I failed studio). The only way to decrease the mess you made is actually by going through the anxiety, the worry, and stress (in my case the hard work) and beating it down (it'll take more effort and time - but that's they only way - going through the experience and grow)

There's a difference between failing and failure. Failure means that you're unwilling to try again, and you allowed failing to defeat you. So you aren't a failure - (you just started improving your driving and you just need to keep working that muscle/skills.)

I do not know how many or if people have looked down on me through my undergrad from failing. But at least i'm breaking the barriers to have some balls to fail and shatter fear of failure.

I'm gonna keep my head up through this, through my university career, and improve.